War is hell Wednesday, Feb 28 2007

That is probably just about the most obvious statement a person can make, but the words don’t even scratch the surface.

I am sitting here watching the special on ABC about Bob Woodward and his nearly fatal injury that he suffered after an attack in Iraq. Everytime I hear about Iraq, I think about Chris.

I still remember the day when he called and told me he was headed to the sandbox (as we call it). I knew it was going to happen. I knew it since September 11th. It was just an issue of when. It was September 11th that our marriage started to fall apart. We seperated 6 months later and divorced a year later. We spent about another year fighting over the phone, even 800 miles between us couldn’t stop the arguing.

That day he got orders I decided to get over it. The man who was my son’s father was going to war. He might not come back, I thought to myself. That kind of realization makes you grow up and say to yourself that bickering and arguing doesnt solve anything. For a year and a half I prayed to God that if he would just bring Chris home safe I would never fight with him again. I begged, just let my son have his father.

He answered my prayer, Chris did come home.

Now I will not say that the relationship that I had hoped would happen between Chris and Nathan has happened. Chris has remarried and has another son. But I made a deal and I stick by it. I make the efforts to get them on the phone together as much as possible. We send emails and pictures, do what we can, as often as we can.

Last week we spoke on the phone, Chris and I. He was asking about making arrangments for possibly coming down one weekend while he goes to training at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. Then he hit me with a bombshell.

He might be going back.

I am scared to death. I started to recall the stories of what extreme close calls he had while there. 9 times he nearly died. 9 times my son nearly lost his father.

No child should have to face that, but mine does. How do I get through this again? What about Cassie and Toby, what do they do? Pray for us all.

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Survey Day Tuesday, Feb 27 2007

FORTY QUESTIONS YOU’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED IN A SURVEY

1. Do you know anyone in Prison?

Unfortunatly yes. I guy I dated 5 years ago who is in prison now. Habitual Felon charge! I didn’t even know that he had been in trouble with the law when we dated, but a week after I broke up with him I found out he had been arrested for a probation violation! I guess he kept getting into trouble and my best friend found out about the habitual felon charge and sure enough we checked on the North Carolina Department of Corrections website and there he is with a 9 year sentance. In a way i feel sorry for him, but ya know, you cant go through life and keep screwing up and not think there is going to be a time you are going to have to pay for it.

 2. Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush’s myspace?

Yes, Andrew and I both log on to one another’s all the time, it is no big deal at all between us.  We now have one together too.

 4. When is the last time you ate Peanut butter and jelly? Umm last week? I was busy with homework and Nathan was sweet enough to make me a PB&J sandwich while i was buried in it. He is such a sweetheart.

5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?Not no, but hell no!6. Name someone you miss? I miss Oma (Chris’ grandmother) she was an amazing, intellegent and sweet woman. But the Texan in her would whup your butt if you needed it! She used to play football with the boys, tell you when you were messin’ up and one more than one time put a grown man on the ground when he disrespected her. Love that woman!7. Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?My middle name was created from my father’s middle name. His name was Ray and I was given the name Raynell

8. Who loves you?

Andrew, Nathan, Mom, Andrew’s parents, Tracie, Kelsie, Kendra, Christain, Carrie, Bailey, M-Fed, my aunts and uncles, other cousins, and maybe some random ex. God and Jesus.

9. Do you throw up gang signs?

Hell no! I want to junior high and high school with Bloods and Crips and I know the signs, but even if a blond white girl threw them up, she would get her backside filled with lead.

10. Have you ever broken a rib?

Nope

11. Would you rather be a girl or a guy?

No way would I be a guy!

12. Who is the most spoiled person you know?

I can’t STAND spoiled people! I had a good friend in high school who became a spoiled brat when she got married. She would purposly pick a fight with her hubby just so that she could get jewlery or clothes from him. Within a year of them being engaged/married she had a 2 rings on EVERY finger that he bought her to “make up”. It was pathetic.

13. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?

True Love

14. Have you ever had sex in church? 

No orgasam is worth being struck by lightning! 

15. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a Marine?

Nope, he is definatly no Jarhead!

16. Do you watch the Grammy’s?

No, I prefer the CMA’s (Country Music Awards) 

17. Would you ever work for the border patrol?

Uhh, no thanks.

18. How would you describe your last relationship?:

Ugg, he started off pretty good, but then got all “Holy-er than Thou” and that was the end of that.

19. Would you rather date someone 2 years older then you or 20 years older then you?

2 years would be better, I could imagine dating a 53 year old!
20. Have you ever had a eating disorder?

Yes, I have a cheese in a can addiction

21. Do you have a porn collection?

Can you say, ewwwww? That is discusting!

22. How many proms have you been to in your life?

Three

23. Have you ever been in a inter-racial relationship?

I dated a guy in high school who was half Korean, does that count?

24. Is your birthday on a holiday?

Nope

25. Are you old enough to vote? 

Yep
26. Do you have any friends or family in the War right now?

Not that i know of right now, but my ex-hubby may be going back again later this year.

27. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope, my body would reject that!

28. Do you worry about global warming?

A little

29. Do you like polar bears?

Umm sure why not 

31. What kind of birth control do you use?

I find keeping my knees together works very well.

32. What slang word do you call marijuana?

How about “Extreme Idiot’s Cigaretts”?
33. Are you an atheist?

Do you think I am that stupid?

34. Did you lose your virginity to your neighbor?

Nope

35. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?

I hope so
36. Do you wear your sweetie’s clothes?

Yes, He likes it when i sleep in his t-shirts 

37. What’s your opinion on gold diggers?

How pathetic can a person be?

38. Are you a country or city girl/boy?

country girl.

39. Is your car a 2002 or higher?

Yea, it is a 2002

40. Do you floss daily?

Try to!

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Welcome Blogher and Blogroll peeps! Saturday, Feb 24 2007

So since regestering with the Blogher and Blogroll sites, I see that my stats have shot through the roof, so welcome y’all!

 Please feel free to email or comment and let us know you are here, and thanks for stopping by.

So okay onto today. This morning we didn’t have much house stuff to do so we were done with it all by about 10am. We had to head over to Waynesville to the Verizon Wireless store to pick up a protective cover for the new phone that Andrew got earlier this week. He really needed to have one because between the hiking, rock climbing, and other outdoorsy stuff he is doing in school, it is best that we protect the phone as much as possible.

Last night while watching the local news I saw a story on a local fairgrounds was holding a model train display show. Knowing that Nathan LOVES trains, we decided to just surprize him to take him after going to Verizon. He didn’t realize where we were going until we walked in the door, and then he was overwhelmed! For over an hour we just let Nathan wander around and look at the trains running and everything for sale. It was amazing to see all of the old antique train pieces and some of the pieces were mega-expensive! There was one piece that we spotted that was for sale for $400.00!!!

Yea, I think we will defiantly stick with the $30.00 sets, thankyouverymuch!

And can you imagine that after being at a train show Nathan wound up buying a toy semi-truck. Go figure.

Last night while bored and nothing to do, I Googled my old screename I had for just about everything. I found my old blog on AOL and boy, have things changed! I had old pictures of Nathan, me, Kelsie, Kendra and Tracie. Shocking was how little the kids were then! It was nice to go back and remember some of the events in my life back then, and to see how much has changed. back then I was just starting school, changing careers and starting my job at Western Carolina University, and just dating randomly.

Wanna read my old skool blog? It is here:  http://journals.aol.com/chesneyfan828/mywebblog/entries/2003/10/11/a-busy-saturday/41    This is the first entry back in October 2003 and goes to 2004. Some pictures are included in the occasional post.

Well better get in some mommy/son time. Y’all take care!

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Big OOPS! Friday, Feb 23 2007

As you may have read, yesterday Nathan got an unpleasant report on his midterm grades. So I sent a note to his teacher requesting that Andrew and I meet with her for a conference to discuss the situation. We both were quite distressed that Nathan had recieved such a low grade in an area where he has always excelled. That is one thing that all of his teachers, including back to preschool, has always said about him. He is known as the student who stays on task, is helpful to others and always respectful and kind. I remember when Nathan was getting ready to finish kindergarten that his teacher, Mrs. Maney told me that she had spoken to Mrs. McMahan (his current 1st grade teacher) and told her what a good student he is. Other times I have met with Mrs. McMahan she has always bragged on Nathan letting me know that he is always restpectful and easy to work with. So to be hit with the grades yesterday was shocking.

But today, some back peddling. Mrs. McMahan sent a note expressing her apologies, but she had mismarked the report card and instead of the “2″’s she wrote, it was supposed to be listed as “S” for satasfactory (these two areas are scored as either satasfactory or non-satasfactory). So we are very pleased. We will continue with the conference as scheduled because we want to ask her what can be done to further help Nathan with his reading. She did state that Nathan is slightly behind his class in that area, but is making steady progress to catch up.

Plans for the weekend? Andrew is at work tonight. I have been concerned there because they have been seriously cutting back his hours lately, but hopefully that will go back up soon. Tonight Nathan and I are doing homework and dinner. Then I have to get on the phone with Verizon because it looks like they have screwed up our account AGAIN! Tommorow Nathan has serious chores (he is responsible for now doing his own laundry) and other projects for Andrew and I. Sunday is a typical Sunday.

To end a PSA, what the heck is up with Britney? She has seriously flipped out! http://x17online.com/ scroll to bottom of page!

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Last time I checked, I was no Celine Dion Friday, Feb 23 2007

Yesterday I met up with my Accounting tutor to try to save my backside in my 120 class, I went down in flames. He asked me “Okay, where are you stuck?” I could not even begin to give him a decent answer. It was like that saying, I don’t know enough to know what I don’t know.

It ended with me realizing that to tackle this class the way I want to is just not going to happen this semester. With my 2 other classes, church committments and just other things going on outside school I just figured it would be best for me to withdraw from it. I hate dropping a class, but after speaking with my co-advisor, we both agreed this would be a good decision. Since I only have 2 more classes after this semester, adding a 3rd will not be a problem. Plus then I could go back to the Accounting 115 class I was originally scheduled for and be able to take it in class, instead of online like I did this time. That was the deciding factor because when I mentioned that fact I was taking it online the people’s faces would turn to a pretty sour expression.

Then last night I had choir practice, we are beginning to rehearse for the Easter service, we will be doing mostly songs that we are familiar with, but Dana threw in one that myself personally have never heard, and I struggled with it the whole time. Mostly because one section is VERY HIGH (I am a soprano 2, so I cannot reach it) and we come in after the men and the alto’s sing a line. The problem is we have to come in at a certain point when the men sing, but because there are more altos singing, it is hard to hear the men and then know where to start. God help us!

I know I will be dragging today, I was up at 6 am to get Nathan up to finish homework. We got his midterm report card and I am really proud of his overall grades (All 3’s out of a 1-4 scale) but he got 2’s in Work Habits and Citizenship.

Not happy there in the least.

Andrew and I gave him the “lecture” last night and are requesting a conference with his teacher. Nathan has always done very well in these areas so this is not him at all. We also let Nathan know that if we find out that he is goofing off, not listening, or just being lazy, there will be restrictions put on him. We may also request daily reports from his teacher to know what is happening in class every day. We also will be calling Nathan’s daddy and step-mom to let them know what is happening and possibly ask for their restrictions.

That is one thing that we both feel is important. Even if Chris and Cassie are 800 miles away, they also have a say in this. I know that so many divorced parents don’t jointly raise the children together, but it is something that neither Chris or I believe in. I also am blessed to have Andrew, who completly agrees with this choice. So the end result is that Nathan has 4 parents to answer to! I don’t doubt that we can work this out and Nathan will be bringing up those grades. 

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The pregnancy diaries Wednesday, Feb 21 2007

The latest trend as of late in my bloggers world is sharing pregnancy stories. For us Old Skoolers we can still remember most of what we went through. For me it has been over 7 years since we lived the days where we could not see our own knees, but we still remember the torture memories of being preggo.

So almost 8 years ago the hub-ster (now the ex hub-ster) and I decided “Let’s get pregnant!” I still don’t remember much about it being a “let’s” as in “we” because as I recall there was not much of it resting on his shoulders, or hips, back and gut, but I digress…

So we consulted my girly doctor and asked all the questions. He reccommended that I do more to improve my diet and given the fact that I had been on the pill for nearly a year, that it would probably take 3-4 months to get pregnant. So I went off the pill in early March, thinking I would get pregnant around June or July.

I got pregnant 3 weeks later!

At the beginning it was a breeze, not a single day of morning sickness and normal weight gain. Plus I apparently had that pregnancy “glow” according to everyone else, but I never saw it. But whatever. About the only thing I “suffered” from was being really tired and deep sleeping. Then summer came.

OH THE HEAT!

We lived in a second floor apartment that had a south-facing picture window. It was like living in a sauna! I pretty much stayed in the bedroom in the back of the apartment, where we got a good breeze most of the day. When that didn’t help I spent alot of time in the apartment pool. It also helped with the sore back to just float in a pool for a couple of hours. The summer went well and I thought we were all set for a easy pregnancy.

I spoke too soon.

During the 25th week of pregnancy we went on a trip to the Oregon Coast for a Civil War Reenactment and on the 2nd dayI started experiencing severe back pain and headaches. The pain in my back was so bad it was making me vomit. Definatly not a fun experience.

We came home the next day and I started to feel better. Wednesday the pain was back but was now going down my left leg. I could not stand up and could hardly walk. So I wound up in the hospital overnight. Tests were ran and nothing could be found, so I was sent home.

2 days later I was back. Same problem in my back and leg. Finally they determined that Nathan’s head was pressing against my sciatic nerve and that was what the pain was from. But this time it was worse. Because of the pressure and the pain it was causing me to go into premature labor. Oh joy.

The hospital I was in was concerned that they could not stop the labor so I had to be sent to the big hospital, off I was to Tacoma General Hospital at 3am. Scared to death did not even cover it. Here I was in undescriable pain and now being told I was in labor and could lose my child.

For the next 2 days I was in the NICU hooked up to a IV being pumped full of drugs. I was put in the NICU so if labor could not be stopped I would be as close to their delivery room and incubator room as possible. I was in and out of it alot as a result of the medications. About the only time I was fully awake was when they adminstered one of the labor stopping medications what they put in my IV every 4 hours. It took about 45 minutes to go through and made my arm BURN so bad. I remember being stuck in that room and hating every minute of it. The only comfort I had was that on the first afternoon the doctor allowed me to leave the room for 30 minutes so Chris and I went down to the cafeteria so he could grab some lunch. Then we got back up to my room and we had lunch waiting for us both there (the hospital was kind enough to not only being me meals, but always brought meals for him too). I also was blessed to have the view of a nearby church right outside my window, so I did alot of praying while looking out that window.

The next day the labor stopped and I was so thankful.

The rest of the pregnancy was again a breeze, well as much as heartburn, constantly going to the bathroom, inability to shave my legs above my knees, and taking 30 minutes to roll over in bed could be considered a breeze.

I did enjoy Thanksgiving, having that big plate up on my tummy and only 3 inches from my mouth was so cool.

Then came December 15th, Ill keep it short and sweet. 13 1/2 hours of labor, a epidural that didn’t fully work and at some point having this conversation with Daddy-to-be:

DTB: ”Honey, you are doing so well”

Me: “Shut up, this HURTS!”

DTB: ”I know, but it will all be over soon”

Me: “How about you come do this and see if that makes you feel better!”

DTB: “I am sorry sweetie, do you want to squeeze my hand?”

Me: “I WANNA SQUEEZE SOMETHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!” (I stated this while looking just below this belt line)

For some reason this made Chris jump up and run to the other side of the room, for a reason I just cant figure out!

But anyway, he was right there beside me for the rest of the night and at 9:52pm we had our angel. And thank God the pregnancy was over.

And I was able to shave my legs again all the way to my thigh! WOOPOW! 

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Just a shortie Wednesday, Feb 21 2007

Only 10 minutes until class, so it will be sort and sweet.

Andrew is layed up at home, with the oh-so-enjoyable beginnings of a head cold. He looks lovely and feels it too. When I left this morning he was barely able to talk and very congested. He just sent me a picture on our ohsocool phones and he is curled up on the recliner looking pitiful. I hate it when he is sick, he hates it too. (Duh!)

Yea, the new phones. Got them yesterday! Andrew loves his new toy, most of all because it works! His old phone was in bad shape and working only sporatically. He got the new Krzr Fire phone and he is like a 5 year old with a new toy. He even went to bed with it last night! Due to the crap that Verizon put us through for 3 days trying to reconnect our service he got the phone for dirt cheap and got mine for free. We love them, both have fun new stuff on them.

Nathan has been working on a new loose tooth for a few days and we thought it was going to come out last night, but no go. We are still working on it. Tooth Fairy is circling the neighborhood.

Chris called last night. He is going to be changing his MOS (those of you military-minded understand the lingo) to 88M so he is going to Fort Lenard Wood for 10 weeks of training in April. He is hoping to be able to get a 4-day pass a couple of times to come down and see Nathan. I really hope so! It has been over 5 years since he and Nathan have seen each other. I guessed it would be about an 8 hour drive for him so hopefully we can make it work. He got to chat with Andrew for just a few minutes (he called first while I was gone) and when I called him back he said the liked getting to talk to Andrew and said “Tell him I think he is a pretty cool guy” That made me happy.

Today we are headed to a job fair, I am headed to KISS country radio first!

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To Daddy Tuesday, Feb 20 2007

The greatest man I never knew
Lived just down the hall
And everyday we said hello
But never touched at all
He was in his paper
I was in my room
How was I to know he thought I hung the moon

The greatest man I never knew
Came home late every night
He never had too much to say
Too much was on his mind
I never really knew him
And now it seems so sad
Everything he gave to us took all he had

Then the days turned into years
And the memories to black and white
He grew cold like an old winter wind
Blowing across my life

The greatest words I never heard
I guess I’ll never hear
The man I thought would never die
S’been dead almost a year
He was good at business
But there was business left to do
He never said he loved me
Guess he thought I knew

Yesterday was 1 year ago that I lost the greatest man I ever knew. I tried to do this then, but could not bear to do it. Every time I hear this song I think of Daddy.

If you have a father with you today, tell him you love him. Do it for me, because I can’t anymore. 

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Personal message…. Monday, Feb 19 2007

You know who you are, so take this and believe it like Gospel Truth.

God takes care of those who are innocent and violated. Hell be the rath on those who violate that innocence. You may think you are getting away with your crime, but believe me today, here and now. The punishment you are due for will come and I am confidant that your days now may seem normal and fine, but the future you have made for yourself by doing what you know you have done (and what God knows also) will be worse than even you can imagine.

My family stands still today, stronger than ever. What you did will not bring us down, God will not allow it. Hell is a place for people like you, and hell can even be here on earth. That is the future you face by your actions. We will go on, we will live our lives in freedom and goodness. You, meanwhile, will face very different days, and you know it. Your actions already state loud and clear that you know what you know what you are facing. That is as obvious as the nose on my own face.

I do not fear you, I will not fear you. You fear me. You know it. I have what you wanted.

I will stand my ground, I will protect what is mine. I will stand before you and have the strength to see you go down.

And that is all the time I will waste on you, you do not deserve another moment of my time.

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Mmmm, that is some good stuff! Saturday, Feb 17 2007

This am I drug myself out of bed on a mission to get Carrie’s purse back to her by 9am. It so did not happen.

I remember waking up at 7:30 and thinking, by 9:30? No problem! At 8am I was still not out of bed. legs would not move and brain was screaming “That is it sister, we are on strike! Don’t move!” I have no idea why I was so tired. Yes last night was exhausting but still, I was in bed and asleep by 11pm so I have no idea why I am dragging like I am. I have been all day. I think I am going to bed early tonight, maybe 7:30?

So after dragging myself vertical I got the rest of the troops up and we managed to get to Carrie’s at 10:30. Bailey is doing much better and is able to now to keep down liquids. Her color is much better and boy she really perked up when she saw Andrew.

Yes my baby cousin has a crush on my man, but can’t really blame her can I?

Andrew gave her the big lollypop we bought her at Biltmore and that really got her excited. Of course we told her that she had to wait a couple of days until her tummy was all better before she could eat it. Then we headed to Wallyworld for groceries and home again. We bought lemonade mix to make up this blackberry lemonade from a bottle of blackberry mix that was bought at Biltmore, and it is sooooooo good! I hope that I can go online and purchase more because we are addicted to it! Oh between the cheese in a can and now this!

So now I get to spend my oh-so-exciting Saturday with a glass of blackberry lemonade and 5 huge piles of laundry to fold and put away. My social life really does rival Paris Hilton huh? Well Mom has come down and maybe I can let her join in on the fun and get this done by the time spring hits the calendar.

Yea, I didn’t think so either. And it is snowing too. Fun times!

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